Crazy Chic Portal

Recently I meet someone…

Someone that being extremely nice to me…

Someone that care and concern about me…

Someone that seems interested in me…

He never knows who I really am…

But he still wants to be with me…

But he still love and cherished me…

But he has no idea of what I’ve been through lately…

Sadly still I’m thinking of him…

Of the emptiness that he might refill however can he

Of the journey and exactness that he will discover

Of my pathetic miserable life that so unfortunate

I wonder…

Can I forget my past and enjoy my present?

Can I able to love someone new and be happy?

Can I start a novel life once again?

Why should I care of such questions?

Maybe he was sent to me to mend my broken wings…

Maybe he could erase all my sadness and painted my dreams…

Maybe he is someone that meant for me…

Somehow, someway I still missed that person very much…

How was he’s doing?

How is everything going on with his life?

How are his days without me?

Perhaps it is time to move on…

I hope he’s doing fine out there without me…

I hope he will find things that his been looking for…

I hope both of our life will be fine though in separate ways…

With slightness of luck, I’m blessed…

Now that I have a new whole chapter of life to lead…

Now I’m free and independent on my own…

Now is the right time to take action and focus to my priority…

Once ago I thought I had everything that is enough for me to be happy with the person I truly in love with. But unfortunately, I failed to keep the happiness within the relationship. At the beginning I thought it was my fault that he changed and unlike the person I used to know. I beg for apologized and put aside all my egoistic… I don’t even know what I’ve done wrong. I just can’t understand him anymore. I did it for the precious feelings that still burning inside my heart… I did it because I care and I loved. But my intention worth for nothing… He don’t even care about me anymore pathetically… All my effort is worthless and meaningless to him and he simply ignores me and just went away.

The more I try to make things right, the more badly it gets in the end. And I end up with heartache, disappointment, upset, moodiness, angry and confusion. I always told myself everything’s going to be alright…yet things aren’t quite the way I expected it to be. I was wrong again… I’m always wrong anyway… I thought I can mend and work things out with the broken relationship. It was in fact a big disappointment to realize only me (sadly) that trying to hold on to it. I am so so frustrated…

Someone told me, “Broken relationship is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken then try to fix it and cut my own fingers (feelings)…”

Whatsoever, within this sincere heart I never regretted to have these special feelings in me. My love for him is blind. I am blinded by my own feelings thought. I called myself really “stupid” for this. And I should thank him for he taught me to be strong and determine with difficulties that I’ve been deal with lately. He used to inspire and keep me accompany when there’s no one on my side. He used to put back the smile to my face and gave me new things to cheer up my darkest day…But now, he also served me with misery and left a deep cut in my poor little heart. I’m clueless but angry. How could he treat me this way? He said he loved me like no other person in his life but he torn my heart apart and put tears to my eyes…

Shally’s was right. It’s not me who’s making him changed before. It’s all in himself, his own willingness! Why should I blame myself and felt guilty because I have done the right thing by loving him so much and care about him. Did he do the same thing towards me?? Exactly as much as I care and loved him??? I don’t think so. I should give myself some space to grieve and breathe… Give myself some time to think properly and make the decision. Sooner or later I will forget about all these misery that has been folding me every since I’ve break up with my current boyfriend.

If only he knew how hard for me to leave this vacant space with broken wings….

Now I firmly have to keep myself carry on with life. I should move on since long ago but everytime I try I fall…Sigh! Nobody’s there for me. For once I know the meaning of loneliness. No point of weeping for such a guy who don’t even know how to treat me right and don’t even appreciate me. It’s okay to experience all the misery he gave to me… Perhaps that’s will taught some lesson in my life and to not make the same mistake again. I found it no use to feel sad and expecting him to come back to me and to still loved him. Undeniable I will sometimes feeling like missing him so much but Life must go on. I won’t let such emotional feelings overwhelmed me. It will lead me to such destruction and perhaps might affect my future. The future journey is still long and far away ahead. Perhaps miracle might happen and leads me to a better person than he is. Hard as it seems, I will try my best to forget. I’m not afraid to be alone anymore…because all this time, I’m already alone and on my own… Love is only a feeling. So, Sayonara Mi Amour…

When i thought i still can save the relationship perhaps, we did go back together(sort of) again. However, things wasn’t getting very well. In fact, it hurts my own feeling and heart only… How can i be so stupid to still love him with all my heart even though he don’t even care about me… I’ve been sick lately,but he never give a damn care not even to ask how i feel…What kind of boyfriend is that?? SIGH!

Sometimes i’m really mad and hate him…but i try best to be understanding girlfriend as possible with his situation altough he never told me the problem he had. It hurts so bad to be in my situation..Now i’m feeling like having a boyfriend but same like have no one at all on my side…

How long can i put up with this??? How long can i be extremely patient with him… Felt like my love for him is just another mistake…

Maybe this is my fate…

As life walk on by,i meet many people who seem to have feelings or crush on me. Some have kept the feelings from long ago and some just have interest in me since knowing me…i couldn’t help more than just being a good friend.

Living single life could be quite misery but slightly the same with current life. I’ve been here so many times but this one seem the longest one… I could laughs and make jokes around with my friends however deep inside…my heart and soul were weeping endlessly. i missed him every single moment of my life no matter if he don’t even love nor care about me anymore… Somehow i just wish he could come back to me as the person i used to know and promise me he would never changed… Because the changing in him that has set us apart…Well, i just wish he will find the girl of his dream thought it wasn’t me but i always love him…Looking for reason to strat to believe or begin a new chapter from the empty pages of my life history. i want to get real…

I couldn’d ask for more…i have no options like everyone else does. Perhaps my life is slightly unfortunate throughout this year..So many things happens lately..Sigh! I lost friends and currently the only person that i truely love with all my heart and soul. Perhaps it is my fate and i have to accept it no matter how hard it gonna be.

Speaking of new begining,life is not that bad actually.(i try to assume so). A few boys chasing after me and i find it quite troublesome as well…seriously, I HATE MY LIFE!